Alive

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking.

But some things are not. Like my iPod. And my printer. And we are down to one working shower...but good for that, right? :-)

But the best thing....no, the GREAT thing is that, I'm hardly fazed. And I'm not sure why but I'm totally glad at this remarkable change in me.

Not long ago, just one of those things "messing up" in my world would have irritated the heck out of me. Hmmmm...wonder why I'm different?

Could it be I've finally realized that none of it really matters at all? Okay...maybe the shower does. But the rest of my stuff - oh, did I mention that I abandoned my camera at the airport last month going through security? Anyway, the rest of my stuff is, finally, just stuff.

So what does get under my skin these days? Not nurturing important relationships. When I don't make time to just "be" with God. When I know my priorities are out of whack. When I realize all the days, weeks and years I've wasted on things that don't really matter. When I realize I've trained my kids to think that things will make it all better. Grrrrrrrr.

All totally my fault. I'm good with ME learning that late. Better than not learning it at all. And I'm good letting go of some of my things...at least until they are fixed.

But I wonder...is it fair to turn that around on my kids? After years of obsessively checking off items on the Santa list, overstuffing stockings, busting the weave out of Easter Baskets, and covering every square inch of grass in the yard with giant, inflatable waterslides and moonwalks each birthday? Is it fair to turn Slurpee Thursday (which also took place on most any day we felt like going) into Slurpee Third Thursday...and meaning it?

I'm being honest when I say that I don't really know. Seems fair. Also seems to be a necessity.

I would say, it was fun while it lasted...but was it really? The few times this past week when I've said, "No, can't do it," have been freeing. Really. And not that I'm all into parental power (or any other kind) but I felt pretty big. Like a real Mom. Okay, I've been a real Mom all along...how about a better Mom?

In a time of information overflow (in which I honestly long to soak up every little drop) and in a household spilling over with 13 years of preschool artwork (of which I'm irrationally unable to get rid of the smallest piece of scribble scrabble) I'm feeling a quiet but steady nudge that, for real, less is very much more.

So...processing this new tangent means figuring out what goes, what stays. When to hold back, when to splurge. When to do, when to be. And how to live with three kids who are going to wonder who is the lady now living in their mother's body. And saying to themselves "could my real Mommy come home now so we can do Slurpee Thursday on Tuesday this week?"

See what happens when I stay away too long?

:-)

HaPpY bIrThDaY

Someone very very special has a very very special birthday today. Hmmmm...just in time for me to post a new Matt Wertz song on my (Mommy's Watching You) MySpace Page today. Head over to his page and guess which one I picked.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Teen! :-) And enjoy the song because, soon, I'm going to have to put Chris Rice back on there.

:-)

Time for O

Yep, it's that time again. Just when you thought I had moved way way past O Magazine and Lisa Kogan (groovy little writer). Just when you thought I had chilled out from my shiny magazine crisis. Here we find ourselves once again.

But...it's already my "new" (earlier) bedtime and so...I'm off to bed to...wait a minute. I was going to say that I'm off to bed to flip through the mag and locate Lisa's newest column. But there will be no flippin' this baby!

September is super-sized. Must be a fashion thing - which I'm sure I'll find extremely useful. :-P Well, you never know. Anyway, also there are at least (at least) five places in the magazine with a heavy duty cardstock page instead of the traditional slick and shiny one. At least five places. Makes flipping totally and absolutely impossible.

So I better scoot because I'm going to have to sit up and hold it in both of my hands and I may even have to turn the pages from the top righthand corner...one by one. Wow. This is not your mama's Us Weekly.

So stay tuned. Taking a break from the Kindergarten Saga (which isn't going anywhere apparently!) And I'll be back with...I don't know...something more.

:-)

Kindergarten Blues

Truth is this - my daughter h-a-t-e-s Kindergarten. Okay, so it's only been one week. But one week too many in her five year old opinion.

One week ago just tomorrow morning, I snapped cute, sunshiney pics of her all dressed up and happy on her first day of Kindergarten. And that night, along with every morning and night that has followed, she has cried and cried and begged me not to take her back.

THAT has wiped me out...because it's really hard to take her back now. Totally has taken me by surprise.

I know...in the grand scheme of things it's pretty small. Still feels really HUGE right now. But it can only get better. There's absolutley nowhere to go but up, for real.

Wish I could soothe her little soul by playing some Sara Grooves in the car on the way to school in the morning...you think it'd help? Maybe I could send her to school with an "It's Going to Be Alright" brainstain.

Hmmmm....maybe I'll just do that.

:-)

Alright

You know how it happens. You post to your blog, read it over (and if you are like me you have to edit it again for dumb typos) and then maybe you chose a blog from your links list and step outside of yourself.

Something there grabs your attention and you scroll through the comments. You find a new blog to check out or a subject to Google or to blog about yourself. I think that is the blogosphere.

So yesterday when I re-entered the blogosphere, I ended up at Kat's blog (always a good move) and saw Sara Groves' name repeated in the comments section of a fun post about music and repeat buttons.

Sara Groves...Add to the Beauty. Aaaahhh. Something else to help relieve my stress.

So this morning, blaring from iTunes on my computer (and on Repeat, of course) is Sara Groves' It's Going to Be Alright .

And it is.

:-)

Disappearing Me

I don't know exactly how or when it happened, but not too long I ago I started to disappear. And not just from my blog. Slowly but quickly, every little part of my life has begun to lose "me" and I don't know where those pieces are hiding. Or why I'm even writing about that here.

Actually, I do know why I'm writing about it here...I think. This blog is a part of me that went away. The part that reaches out for connection when I'm pretty much stuck at home, the part that has fun, the part that enjoys reading about other people and their lives...etc.

Anyway...

Maybe you've seen Shlog listed over on the side there...I love reading it. Usually the conversations and comments are sort of over my head or just out of my league (unless it's about his family) but I still love reading it. This morning I went back to check a post I noticed maybe a week ago about burnout.

And I realized what I should have already remembered. I'm not alone. I mean people-wise. Stress pays no attention to marital status, financial standing, gender, age, weight, hair color, etc. And it can be pretty sneaky. It creeps up on us. At least with me that is what happens. And it's contagious...once it takes over one aspect of my life it begins to consume every other area that is already a little shaky. Bummer.

So recently, I've let stress eat away at all the parts of me that keep me (and my kids) going. And that's a really bad thing to let happen.

I have The Message opened up on my coffee table amidst a sea of like 12 other books I'm in the middle of reading. It's opened to page 911 - Psalms 13. I think it's starting to help. I've also started running a little again. Maybe that will help. I don't know what else to really do other than to pray to God like all day long - while I pour my Diet Coke in the morning, while I frantically get my kids moving after that, while I race to work hoping to be on time, as I stand at the copy machine waiting on copies, as I worry about my kids' after school arrangements, while I hold my little girl when I pick her up as she cries and tells me how much she missed me - trying desperately to look past all the sadness and regret I carry around so I can see all of the prayers He has answered. So I can see that He really is with us and that is all the matters.

But oh, I was talking about Stress. I guess you are thinking of all the stress in your life right now. I know it's just as big and as real as mine. So pray for me and I'll pray for you. Encourage me and I'll encourage you. Laugh with me and I'll laugh at you. Oops, I meant with you. :-)

Maybe I'm back...I hope so. You can wait and see. No need to comment - what do you say to something like this anyway??!!

I just needed to write it.

:-)

No Time :-(

Too bad, so sad...no time for blogging. :-(

With last weekend's whirlwind Anniversary Extravaganza and this week getting ready for back to school (which turned into Theme Park Week for the kids...lucky ducks), I am all out of blogging energy. Yep, I have the time, just not the energy left over at the end of the day.

It really is too bad. And it really is very sad. Because I love this blogging thing. I love reading other peoples, getting the nerve up to comment, clicking on other people's names and reading their blogs. It's gigantic fun for me.

But for now...I'm just too darn tired.

Yep, again, too bad, so sad for Marianne. :-(

I hope to be back to my picture taking, link listing, silly self here very soon. Please don't go away for good. I'd really miss you.

:-)

Fifty Years...Wow

I look at this picture and I wish I could have known my parents pre-kids somehow. They look so young ('cause they are) and carefree and happy.

Anyway, here are Anne and Bill, or A and B as the Grandkids call them. This past weekend they celebrated 50 years of being married. 50 years of thick and thin. I am so proud of them. They are awesome parents but they're even better at being husband and wife. And that's no small thing.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

:-)