Disappearing Me

I don't know exactly how or when it happened, but not too long I ago I started to disappear. And not just from my blog. Slowly but quickly, every little part of my life has begun to lose "me" and I don't know where those pieces are hiding. Or why I'm even writing about that here.

Actually, I do know why I'm writing about it here...I think. This blog is a part of me that went away. The part that reaches out for connection when I'm pretty much stuck at home, the part that has fun, the part that enjoys reading about other people and their lives...etc.

Anyway...

Maybe you've seen Shlog listed over on the side there...I love reading it. Usually the conversations and comments are sort of over my head or just out of my league (unless it's about his family) but I still love reading it. This morning I went back to check a post I noticed maybe a week ago about burnout.

And I realized what I should have already remembered. I'm not alone. I mean people-wise. Stress pays no attention to marital status, financial standing, gender, age, weight, hair color, etc. And it can be pretty sneaky. It creeps up on us. At least with me that is what happens. And it's contagious...once it takes over one aspect of my life it begins to consume every other area that is already a little shaky. Bummer.

So recently, I've let stress eat away at all the parts of me that keep me (and my kids) going. And that's a really bad thing to let happen.

I have The Message opened up on my coffee table amidst a sea of like 12 other books I'm in the middle of reading. It's opened to page 911 - Psalms 13. I think it's starting to help. I've also started running a little again. Maybe that will help. I don't know what else to really do other than to pray to God like all day long - while I pour my Diet Coke in the morning, while I frantically get my kids moving after that, while I race to work hoping to be on time, as I stand at the copy machine waiting on copies, as I worry about my kids' after school arrangements, while I hold my little girl when I pick her up as she cries and tells me how much she missed me - trying desperately to look past all the sadness and regret I carry around so I can see all of the prayers He has answered. So I can see that He really is with us and that is all the matters.

But oh, I was talking about Stress. I guess you are thinking of all the stress in your life right now. I know it's just as big and as real as mine. So pray for me and I'll pray for you. Encourage me and I'll encourage you. Laugh with me and I'll laugh at you. Oops, I meant with you. :-)

Maybe I'm back...I hope so. You can wait and see. No need to comment - what do you say to something like this anyway??!!

I just needed to write it.

:-)