Alive

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking.

But some things are not. Like my iPod. And my printer. And we are down to one working shower...but good for that, right? :-)

But the best thing....no, the GREAT thing is that, I'm hardly fazed. And I'm not sure why but I'm totally glad at this remarkable change in me.

Not long ago, just one of those things "messing up" in my world would have irritated the heck out of me. Hmmmm...wonder why I'm different?

Could it be I've finally realized that none of it really matters at all? Okay...maybe the shower does. But the rest of my stuff - oh, did I mention that I abandoned my camera at the airport last month going through security? Anyway, the rest of my stuff is, finally, just stuff.

So what does get under my skin these days? Not nurturing important relationships. When I don't make time to just "be" with God. When I know my priorities are out of whack. When I realize all the days, weeks and years I've wasted on things that don't really matter. When I realize I've trained my kids to think that things will make it all better. Grrrrrrrr.

All totally my fault. I'm good with ME learning that late. Better than not learning it at all. And I'm good letting go of some of my things...at least until they are fixed.

But I wonder...is it fair to turn that around on my kids? After years of obsessively checking off items on the Santa list, overstuffing stockings, busting the weave out of Easter Baskets, and covering every square inch of grass in the yard with giant, inflatable waterslides and moonwalks each birthday? Is it fair to turn Slurpee Thursday (which also took place on most any day we felt like going) into Slurpee Third Thursday...and meaning it?

I'm being honest when I say that I don't really know. Seems fair. Also seems to be a necessity.

I would say, it was fun while it lasted...but was it really? The few times this past week when I've said, "No, can't do it," have been freeing. Really. And not that I'm all into parental power (or any other kind) but I felt pretty big. Like a real Mom. Okay, I've been a real Mom all along...how about a better Mom?

In a time of information overflow (in which I honestly long to soak up every little drop) and in a household spilling over with 13 years of preschool artwork (of which I'm irrationally unable to get rid of the smallest piece of scribble scrabble) I'm feeling a quiet but steady nudge that, for real, less is very much more.

So...processing this new tangent means figuring out what goes, what stays. When to hold back, when to splurge. When to do, when to be. And how to live with three kids who are going to wonder who is the lady now living in their mother's body. And saying to themselves "could my real Mommy come home now so we can do Slurpee Thursday on Tuesday this week?"

See what happens when I stay away too long?

:-)