Sunday, November 06, 2005

Life Before (and After) MySpace

Never fails that as soon as I think I’ve got it all under control, as soon as I own that familiar superior feeling that things are running smoothly and it’s all because of me, something new and unexpected rattles my entire household.

Sure it had taken me two years, but I finally came up with the perfect internet rules for my social junkie youngish-teen plus all I have to do is take a peek into the playroom and check out what she’s up to online. That’s because I’m so great and I left the kids’ computers side by side out in the open instead of creating a personal PB Teen Media Haven like she’s really dying to have – in her bedroom. Not happening – no way.

Actually though, my checking on her is more like me rolling my own computer chair backwards and then leaning back even further to look past the kitchen, through a hallway and into the depths of the playroom squinting mightily to decipher what’s on her screen. And I think I may need glasses. So you can see how “under control” I really had things.

Anyway, before the Summer of ’05, if anyone had told me that my daughter soon would check her email only once or twice a week or that her AIM addiction would seem to heal itself overnight, I would have smirked, rolled my eyes and felt sorry for them. Because clearly a clue that person would not have. And I, of course, am the Clue-Queen as evidenced by the out in the open computer and all of those perfect rules I finally imposed. Whatever.

Now to fully appreciate the household shaking MySpace started only 3 months ago, I have to let you in on a little joke. I thought my newest and possibly biggest parental computer related concern was Toontown. Trust me I know just how totally ridiculous that sounds, but because I thought Toons and Cogs were my biggest internet control challenges I felt somewhat superior. Nothing else going on with our playroom computers. I really had my eye on things. Right.

So one night when I actually got off of my own computer and walked into the playroom to do something, I glanced at my daughter’s screen. A lot was going on there – colors, pictures, scrolling things, music. Smiling, I squeezed myself next to her in the chair and said, “Ooohhh, what is this!” Eager to share her excitement with me, she gave me the complete lowdown on MySpace. As the info just bubbled forth, she innocently and unknowingly started tiny little earthquakes within our world as silent alarms activated, one after another, in my head. I know my face froze. I know she felt it although, thankfully, not right away. I no longer saw the colors or heard the music because I was quickly losing all the enthusiasm she was so freely pouring into me.

But eventually when she did feel my loss of interest she knew right away the fun was over. It would never be the same. There would always be a cloud over MySpace. The Mommy Cloud. She hates the Mommy Cloud. She really hates the Mommy Cloud. I even hate the Mommy Cloud sometimes. The Cloud isn’t always a terrible thing. Some days, it’s more like a white fluffy cloud with the sun peeking around. That would be me. And it’s a good thing. Other days, it is dark and heavy and bothersome. That Cloud really puts a damper on fun times. That is me too. Just depends on where the Cloud is hovering I guess.

So what’s the big deal? Why threaten to rain on her parade and fun before it really starts? I guess when those alarms go off red flags pop up so fast and furiously there is no way to bypass them. And they were all over the place that night as I sat squished up against her silently freaking out. A few flew up in the honesty zone, many more in the safety zone, probably one way up in the judgment zone, a tiny one in the disappointment zone, and gobs in the Oh My Gosh, Oh No, Oh Great, My Daughter is Really Growing Up zone. By that point, realizing I had a flood of red flags unexpectedly covering my land of smoothly controlled internet usage, I knew MySpace was going to be a big deal. And so I took a deep breath and carefully said, “Wow! That’s really ummm cool. I think.” See the cloud forming?

I won’t bore you with all of my specific concerns about safety of posting pictures and including personal info on MySpace because I think they are pretty obvious. Then there are my concerns over the amount of discretion that’s needed in blogging – which isn’t always a teen’s most developed attribute. But I think I was most afraid of how MySpace would affect my daughter’s friendships. In addition to creating and recreating your persona on MySpace, usually in an effort to fit in or to be cool, chit chat through comments is public and for some it’s just too tempting not to dive into the dirt online. The Drama Factor. Possibly my biggest MySpace fear.

So how is life after MySpace now that it’s been a few months? Did I ban it all together right off the bat? Nope. I did not. I even have my own MySpace as I like to be an informed Mom (plus, it’s really fun I have to admit.). But the Mommy Cloud still hovers. My daughter never knows why and when a new MySpace regulation will be announced. Usually it’s because somehow (not telling how) I’ve become aware of a “violation” on her site or on a friends' MySpace site. Keeping her on her toes I hope. Want to keep her thinking, you know.

Some of my Mom friends have prohibited their kids’ from having a MySpace site. And I’m not thinking that’s all together a bad thing. It’s just that most of those kids get one anyway because in their world it’s too bizarre for them not to exist on MySpace. So for me it’s a little about picking battles and for her it’s a lot about using it and hopefully learning some things about herself and friendships.

I think most parents are suspicious and restrictive of MySpace because it scares them. It’s weird and they don’t understand it. And they don’t want to try and figure it out. But if they don’t figure out MySpace even a tiny bit, they may never have a chance figuring out the next online phenomenon that invades our teens’ world. Kids love it. They can’t get enough of it. They will devour whatever follows it. It’s their world and it’s not our job to stop their culture from forming, it’s our job to help them respond to it. It’s our job to help them learn how to think through things and to be there for them when they mess up along the way. It’s our job to know enough about their world to be able to do all of that – even if our attempts are lame at times or even most times.

One thing that hasn’t changed in life after MySpace is the out in the open computer décor we have. Nothing at all against PB Teen. In fact, I think I’ll throw down some furry rugs and hang up some surfer signs and beads in the playroom. But I can’t “be there” for my daughter if I’m completely in the dark about her online life. I can’t listen to her intelligently when she needs me to if I have no idea what her world is like – especially online.

Wish me luck in keeping that up (I’m going to need it!). And, hey, is there anyone out there who can teach me how to add some of those scrolly things to my own MySpace?

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hello...

Hello to.....I'm thinking maybe no one. :-) I have no idea who would ever be reading this. But it sure is fun. Maybe that's because I'm a Mom with three overly busy kids so I'm either standing over my washing machine, pushing a grocery cart or sitting in a carpool line somewhere near a school, soccer field or dance studio. Meaning - this sort of makes me feel adventurous in an expressive kind of way.

But life is good. :-)

And that's about all I have to say tonight. My first blog entry. Knock your socks off exciting. Just wait...there is more where this came from.

see you later~marianne